


washijo's problem children

by stxrthief



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, chatfic, dw guys theres no "should have come to shiratorizawa" jokes, im shirabuphobic u guys, reon is the token straight and we love him, shirabu is literally the devil, tendou semi and yamagata have a shared braincell, the third years are all on first name basis, ushiten are the only ones w their shit together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29109255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stxrthief/pseuds/stxrthief
Summary: lady gaga poker face: washijo has kids in his basement send tweet
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji, Kawanishi Taichi/Yamagata Hayato, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 62





	1. washijo doesn't need kids we disappoint him

concrete beater - ushijima wakatoshi  
ketchup - tendou satori  
dip dye - semi eita  
good influence - oohira reon  
wine aunt - yamagata hayato  
jimmy fucking neutron- shirabu kenjirou  
lady gaga poker face- kawanishi taichi  
scissors - goshiki tsutomo

_washijo's problem kids_

good influence: i just wanna ask - why is this the new gc name

dip dye: yeah washijo doesn't even like us that much tbh

lady gaga poker face: washijo has kids in his basement send tweet

jimmy fucking neutron: at this point i'm not sure i'd even be surprised if that's true

lady gaga poker face: wym "if"

jimmy fucking neutron: were you at our mf coach's house

lady gaga poker face: that's a secret i'll never tell

ketchup: xoxo gossip girl

dip dye: washijo doesn't need kids we disappoint him

ketchup: UR RIGHT BUT U DIDNT HAVE TO SAY IT

jimmy fucking neutron: ur a disappointment semi

dip dye: my mom says im cool

jimmy fucking neutron: that's not what she was saying last night

dip dye: IM-

wine aunt: shirabu at least make ur lies believable,, the only way u could be more visibly gay is if u emitted rainbows

jimmy fucking neutron: excuse you

jimmy fucking neutron: i am homophobic and proud

concrete beater: we're literally the gayest team in miyagi

ketchup: yea but we're also swag bc of it

dip dye: oikawa has literally told me we're gayer than he is

dip dye: and this is oikawa we're talking about

concrete beater: that dramatic fuck

wine uncle: WAKATOSHI?

dip dye: ooh yuh get it i guess

jimmy fucking neutron: you guys are literally the biggest idiots ever why are ppl intimidated by us

scissors: bc we're swag

jimmy fucking neutron: not w your haircut

ketchup: you guys have the same haircut

jimmy fucking neutron: respectfully - die

good uncle: so tendou just collapsed

wine uncle: shirabu are you a witch

jimmy fucking neutron: maybe

jimmy fucking neutron: why is he even at ur dorm it's like midnight

wine uncle: we're rebellious children

dip dye: our lives be like oo ahffnjdkdsk

dip dye: I HAVE RISEN AND THE SHAKING HAS FALLEN

scissors: what :)

concrete beater: so tendou has risen from the dead

lady gaga poker face: lovely

good influence: yk sometimes. i think this team is functional and im immediately proved fucking wrong

dip dye: you love us

good influence: eita why the fuck are you texting me we're in the same room

dip dye: im just really cool

jimmy fucking neutron: it was time for thomas to leave. he had seen everything.

_jimmy fucking neutron left the group_

lady gaga poker face: lmao

scissors: should we add him back

lady gaga poker face: nah i'll add him once he comes begging me to

good influence: you guys are terrible people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah


	2. :p

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lady gaga poker face: :p

concrete beater - ushijima wakatoshi  
ketchup - tendou satori  
dip dye - semi eita  
good influence - oohira reon  
wine aunt - yamagata hayato  
lady gaga poker face- kawanishi taichi  
scissors - goshiki tsutomo

_washijo's problem kids_

_lady gaga poker face has added shirabu kenjirou to the group_

_lady gaga poker face has changed shirabu kenjirou's name to problem child_

problem child: says you

lady gaga poker face: :p

_problem child has sent an image_

problem child: why did you have to make that face out loud too

wine aunt: i am Looking

problem child: yeah no shit you have eyes

lady gaga poker face: im-

problem child: he's just staring really blankly at his phone

problem child: oop wait he's blushing

ketchup: sksksksksksksk

lady gaga poker face: k e n j i r o u

problem child: oh shit

ketchup: FIRST NAME- SHIRABU RUN

problem child: running

dip dye: i imagine it's like being chased by slenderman

problem child: and you say im the mean one

dip dye: taichi get his ass

lady gaga poker face: im not sure i wanna touch him

problem child: what fuck

ketchup: what fuck lmao

wine uncle: you guys are so problematic lol

dip dye: like pls can we just have normal second years like akaashi or ennoshita or smth

ketchup: WHY DO YOU KNOW ALL THESE PPL

dip dye: ppl should be honoured to know me

concrete beater: i'm honoured to know you all

dip dye: im-

ketchup: wait wtf that was really sweet babe

concrete beater: :)

good influence: wakatoshi don't just say that out of nowhere my heart can't take it

cool uncle: @scissors

scissors: VSDSGHBVJ

ketchup: wakatoshi fucking killed tsutomu :(

lady gaga poker face: he is not the only one to commit a murder tonight :)

dip dye: what :)

good influence: dear god where's shirabu?

lady gaga poker face: wouldn't you like to know weatherboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this in history class


	3. the deadliest game of tag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> concrete beater: why can i hear screaming from satori and eita's dorm

concrete beater - ushijima wakatoshi  
ketchup - tendou satori  
dip dye - semi eita  
good influence - oohira reon  
wine aunt - yamagata hayato  
problem child - shirabu kenjirou  
lady gaga poker face- kawanishi taichi  
scissors - goshiki tsutomo

_washijo's problem kids_

concrete beater: why can i hear screaming from satori and eita's dorm

dip dye: HAYATO TAPED A KNIFE TO MY FUCKING ROOMBA

concrete beater: ah, okay

dip dye: NO NOT OKAY

lady gaga poker face: you were asking for it by having a roomba in the first place

dip dye: MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE HERE AND THIS IS YOUR REACTION

problem child: how is ur life on the line,,, just walk away from it

lady gaga poker face: or step over it

problem child: or stand on a chair

ketchup: but where's the fun in that 

wine uncle: they don't call it deadly tag for nothing

dip dye: no one fucking calls it that oml

wine uncle: be careful semi the the stress could make u go grey

wine uncle: oh wait

dip dye: blocked, reporting, see you in court bitchboy

dip dye: shirabu be my lawyer

problem child: why me

dip dye: you like arguing with people

problem child: yeah but i dont like you

ketchup: get hashtag roasted eita

dip dye: reon be my lawyer

good influence: i dont want to

dip dye: fair enough

dip dye: taichi be my lawyer

lady gaga poker face: no

wine aunt: he's my lawyer

problem child: fucking simp

lady gaga poker face: shut up kenjirou

dip dye: fine ig i'm my own lawyer

scissors: i'd ask why you didn't ask me but i think i know why

dip dye: you'd be terrible in court

lady gaga poker face: yeah ur scared of shirabu who's a literal twink

ketchup: LMAOOIJFDKBJF

wine aunt: PLS GFHBJFDNKD 

dip dye: BYE LMAORRNJNR

problem child: semi

dip dye: yeah what?

problem child: i can get the knife of your roomba under the circumstance that i get to keep it

dip dye: deal

concrete beater: taichi i advise you to start running now

lady gaga poker face: already doing that

_lady gaga poker face has gone offline_

_problem child has gone offline_

ketchup: eita are you an anarchist

dip dye: obvs

concrete beater: why are other teams scared of us- you guys are literally so stupid istg

wine aunt: bhjdhfjj

ketchup: pop off wakachan

good influence: you guys r awful

dip dye: you love us

good influence: apparently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws this into ur lap like its hot soup then slides back into the void*
> 
> this idea is from Lady_J_The_Gamer_Gal,,, a true genius


End file.
